It's hard to put into words where I'm at with religion but I feel those I love most deserve an explanation. Mainly I don't want them to worry. I love the Lord. He is my Savior & King. I want to live my life serving and honoring Him. For all of my life I have loved the Mormon Church. I still do. I have shed many tears over the idea that it's not where I feel I should be right now. I am happy our kids are choosing the church and seeking the Lord. We have one on a mission in Argentina and one soon to leave on his mission to Texas. I realize I will miss some pretty significant things in their lives and that breaks my heart. Yet I feel I wouldn't truly be following the Lord and the direction he has provided in my life if I stayed in the church. It has been a gradual process...over many years. It has been a beautiful process even though it has been painful to give up something I've loved dearly. I finally got some clarity recently to pinpoint the main issue I have with the church. I believe 100% I am saved by the Grace of Jesus Christ. Through Him and only through Him. There is nothing I can do to gain salvation by my own merits. It is only through Him. Because of His Love, Grace and Atoning sacrifice I want to give Him my life and complete obedience to anything He asks. Timothy Keller explained it well when he said “religion tells us, ‘I obey, therefore I am accepted by God’, the gospel tells us ’I am accepted by God through the Grace of Jesus Christ, therefore I obey’". Ten years ago I read Keller's book "the prodigal God" and recognized the older brother mentality in myself. Many things in my life I was doing to receive the "promised blessings“ not necessarily because of my love for the Father. Both the sinner and the obedient are convicted in the parable. Keller shares how there are two lost sons in the parable. One living a life of sin and rebellion and one being completely obedient, but for the wrong reasons. He goes on to share the beauty of the gospel; that we have a true older brother who has paid the price to bring each of us home and a loving Father who runs out to meet us, wherever we are in our journey. Once we've tasted of that Love, it changes us, we begin to live our life out of Love for the Lord, not out of obligation. I have been reading the New Testament daily and have been in awe at the love Jesus has for me. I have always known this and truly I feel being raised in the church has brought me to the Lord but I also feel the church gives us a limited view of Him. He truly is the Light and Life of the world, He loves us individually and perfectly, and that is enough. He has already paid for my sins. A dear friend once shared with me, "Jesus plus nothing, is everything". He truly is my everything.
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